Step 12

Have I had that spiritual awakening yet. Well, there was no flash of light, no hand from the clouds, no one even suddenly appeared from nowhere and told me a pearl of wisdom that would change the world.

I did stop drinking though, and more importantly, I did stop having a desire for drink. Now that happened the very day after I had my last drink. One minute I could not function without drink, the next I had no desire. So go figure!!

Of course the desire did return, but 16 years later, when I was feeling self pity and wimpish, but the next thought was get to bed you imbecile, remember the last time you had a drink. You nearly ended up in jail.

But there has been an awakening. A gentle dawning of the spiritual side of life. For me it takes the form of being at one with the world, in step, seeing the very best in life. It is a desire not to cause mayhem, not to alienate, not to be railing against the world. It is sense that I am OK and I don't know why but something out there wants me to be OK with me. The realisation that the world existed for a couple of years before I hove in to view and it will continue after as well. Maybe that's it, time is the crucial part of the awakening. Not just age but experience, suffering, pain, mistakes, triumphs, joy freedom. Maybe the awakening is a result of and a cause of all that is good in my life today, but the price to pay is a belief in something greater than, but unseen. It's handing it over in total and unadulterated faith.

This did happen, and continues to do so, but only as a result of these steps. That's important. as a result AND it keeps on happening as I keep studying and applying the steps.

I used to think that carrying the message, meant running over to the newcomer and making him have my phone number, WTF and starter pack. Tick that box!!
That is part of it, but isn't the message also how I behave, conduct myself, the things I say and do. What is it that is important to me and what I leave behind. Do people think as I do sometimes about others, well I wouldn't want their sobriety, I'll walk a different way. I hope not, but I guess some do. I'm not exactly inundated with people asking for my advice on how to live.

How to live, now theres a conundrum. OK here goes.

First and foremost. Don't drink. Not for any reason, no matter what the provocation or occasion.
This is a total abstinence program. That means booze in food as well. And sitting in pubs. Why if you don't drink. would you want to sit in a pub. Why???
Unless your partner, drinks, then don't have booze in the house. It is that simple.

So no drink what else is there. Get to meetings and share, meet people, get in to the middle of the bed. Make sobriety and your meetings the focal point of your life. Make them part of your life, not a part. Before the books, before service, before sponsorship, before church, before twelve stepping, before telephone service, I stopped drinking and went to a meeting. In that order. Dont drink - Go to a meeting - Everything else.

Work- My God in these parts if you mention work in a meeting its worse than mentioning God or the Steps. The drink was affected my head, not my legs, as an old timer likes to repeat.
Work gives me something to do, other than go to meetings, learns me to live with other people, puts food on the table and gives me self respect. On Thursday I sat with an engineer who has lung cancer. He was at work, bloated as hell from the drugs, but work to him gave him a sense of purpose. Now he's got Lung Cancer. Not some pissy little thing like self centred, self pitying alcoholism. So dont tell me you can't work. Its bullshit. You're just bone idle. Get off your ass and look after yourself. Stop scrounging.

Take care of your family. They've been through hell and you just did what you wanted to do, so don't give them a hard time. Put food on the table, mow the lawn, take the kids out. Don't under any circumstances join the professional AA brigade and put losers like me, before your family. Its not right and not healthy. Your family have stood by you. It may end, things do, but if it does, do the right thing and make sure they are provided for and dont whinge about maintenance, settlements. Just do it.

After all of this, then you can start running people to meetings, sponsoring half the town, doing service at 8 meetings a week not including intergroup, region and national.

But most importantly of all, and this is the most important thing of all. When that drunk walks in to the room, reeking of booze, with soiled trousers and a belligerent attitude, you sit beside him and hold the cup to his lips so he can drink the tea, without, whisking it all over the room. You hold his hand, even though you may feel people will think you are strange. You tell him that for you AA worked and that today, you don;t want a drink and you are happy.

This is my message. You may not agree with it, but its all I've got.

Have a good, sober weekend all of you.